Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
