They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
