so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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