Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
