I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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