I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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