hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
