just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
