She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Couch. On fire.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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