You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
