Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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