Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize