So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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