god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Buhtt sex?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
