i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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