Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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