We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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