Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
