Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you traded sex for a burrito?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
