Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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