I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
