U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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