Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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