my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
