you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
