Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
