it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
