1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
