to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
