Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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