she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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