Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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