At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
