In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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