Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize