If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
