Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
