you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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