oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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