Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
