I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
