OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
