Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
