i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
