he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
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