sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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