My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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