There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
