dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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