Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize