perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
