Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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