Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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