why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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