Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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