I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
