I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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