You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it glows. i had to have it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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