You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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