I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
zippers are such a cool invention
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
