I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
