nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
