saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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