He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
