I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
