I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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