Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
