What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
