i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
