i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't deserve a penis
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
