in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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